16 November 2016

Shit Ollie Says #1

As you all know I have a brother (well I have two). Ollie is 17 and just an all round ridiculous human being. I honestly can't believe some of the shit that comes out of his mouth. However, this does mean he provides constant entertainment and there is never a dull moment when he is around. He seriously makes me laugh until I cry on a regular basis. I started to keep note of all the weird and hilarious things he said and after a lil bit of encouragement he agreed to let me write them up and share them with you.

- We're in Shropshire, isn't that to do with feet?

- Ow my fallopian tube, no my urethra. Wait I mean my gullet - I literally laughed so much I cried at this and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the night.

- I had my dyslexia test today and I had to spell baquliar. Nailed it. - It took us a good 10 mins to realise he was supposed to spell peculiar which resulted in me cry laughing all over again.

- If I end up with a mushroom growing out of my ass because of this egg it's your fault

- There's 6 weeks in a month isn't there?

- 777 ha that's the number of the Devil

- If I drink too much I'll be 100% liquid and 0% Ollie

- She has 12 boobs, she looks like a cat - I honestly can't remember what he was talking about here

- *Told off for burping* Well Shrek found love so maybe I should start burping more to find it.

- Pheasants can't fly can they, they just go bigger. Oh wait no that's peacocks

- *Makes a weird noise* What creature makes that noise? Oh yeah it's pacman.

- Well that's a cock up in a brewery, That's the saying isn't it?

- My hips are crazy big at the moment. I need my pregnancy pants on

- Mum - "The look she gave me made me shrivel"
 Ollie - "But you don't have a willy"

- Whilst on the motorway - Doesn't it look like a load of ants climbing a tree. I mean if we were like giants.

- It's gonna come out of my Heathrow, I mean bellybutton. Well it is like a landing strip

I hope you found these as entertaining as I did and I am pretty sure he will be saying more ridiculous things ASAP so hopefully this will become a series of mocking my brother.


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