26 October 2016

Stupid Ways I've Injured Myself

As most of you know, I have a condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which means I am in constant pain and dislocate very easily. I'm pretty damn fragile. Due to that I injure myself in some pretty stupid ways so I thought I'd share some of them with you.

- I once dislocated my knee so badly I ended up in plaster by...getting out of the car. Yup. Very dangerous activity. How did I do it you ask? I have no idea. One minute I'm getting out the car, the next I'm on my ass.

- Sitting at a table. I cannot sit at a table or desk without smashing my knee into it which results in a dislocation. I actually did exactly that whilst writing this post. It's because I am incapable of sitting still and like a normal person. I don't know how to sit on a chair properly. My mum is always telling me off.

- Getting undressed. I will never be able to get undressed sexily. Chances are I will get my top stuck on my head due to a dislocated shoulder. The amount of times I have to get my mum to rescue me is ridiculous. I nearly had to ask a shop assistant once.

- If you follow me on twitter you will know that I have seriously screwed up my jaw eating an apple. Healthy eating is clearly bad for you. Cake is the way forward. I tore a tendon eating a cereal bar and had to live on soup & Jelly for two weeks.

- I also dislocated my jaw doing the mascara putting on face. Safe to say I don't do that anymore

- Ironically putting on and taking off my various supports & splints often results in injury. My friend once dislocated my ankle taking off my ankle support and nearly puked. It was pretty amusing minus the pain.

- I dislocate fingers regularly by turning the light on and attempting to get into packets. Why must the most delicious food be Beth proof. My coffe jar tests me every morning. I now lever the lid off with a teaspoon.

- I actually dislocated a rib breathing once (Possibly more than once but shhh).

- Laughing, sneezing and hiccups are soo dangerous. Ribs, shoulders & jaws cannot be controlled. I once laughed so hard that I dislocated 2 or 3 ribs and it was so painful but the stupidity of it made me laugh more which made it hurt more. I ended up in a ball laughing, crying and randomly screaming ouch. My family just laughed at me

- I was at an event & had to lie on the floor to stretch out my back. I then dislocated my hip and couldn't get back up. My dad had to practically lift me up whilst I screamed about my hip and laughed at the horrified faces. I got a lot of weird looks.

- I dislocated my shoulder drying my hair and then promptly smashed myself in the face with the hair dryer.

- I fell off my giant horse and survived with zero injuries. A miracle. I got back on and my horse moved his head and I sprained my wrist. Why is my body so ridiculous?

- My dad dislocated my shoulder when I was little by playing ring a roses. I told the dr my dad did it and social services were called. My bad.

- I dislocated my shoulder attempting the monkey bars whilst drunk. Luckily a very tall guy saw what was coming and caught me.

- Broke my collar bone falling into a caravan cupboard as you do.

- Cut myself so badly whilst shaving that I have the most ridiculous scar. Damn fragile skin. I also have a scar from where I scratched my leg stepping over a plastic box.

- Went into hospital to have my gall bladder removed. Came out in a sling with a badly dislocated shoulder from trying to move up the bed.

There are like a billion more but these are the main ones I can think of. At least my body never fails to entertain me


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